She's not our mother anymore.

That was a statement one of my sisters made when my mom was in the throes of dementia.  It was in response to an email that I had sent my sister letting her know that mom stopped recognizing her kids.  You see, I had a picture of my sister's children hanging on the wall in my mom's bedroom. Mom got agitated when she saw the photo because she didn't know who the kids were.  Mom told me that she didn't want a picture of strangers in her room, so I ended up taking it down. That's when I emailed my sister to let her know.

My sister's statement really got to me.  Oh really? So, just because mom was suffering from dementia as a result of Alzheimer's, she wasn't our mother anymore?  That, right there, explained to me why my sister didn't bother to call or visit mom while she stayed with me in my home. 

In all fairness, my sister isn't the only one who makes statements like that. I've heard people say that an Alzheimer's patient isn't the same person as before.  I don't know, that just sounds so cold and demeaning.  They are the same person! They can't help it if a disease is destroying their thoughts and memories, and playing havock with their personality.  They are still the same person they were before, only with a disease.  As a matter of fact, that is one of things that the Alzheimer's patient want more than anything else. To be the same, to be able to so the same things as before. When someone says that they aren't the same person, it denegrates them, makes them feel inferior. 

What I discovered while taking care of my mother, was who she was.  Mom and I bonded like never before and we fell in love all over again.  She always was my mother to me.  I never looked at her any other way.  I think that's why my sister was able to pretty much sweep our mother under the carpet, so to speak.  What a shame.