The "after" life.

You know, so much is talked about when it comes to family caregivers of loved ones with Alzheimer's and other dementias. There are many resources available to these caregivers, which is a good thing.  But there is one area of caregiving that is sorely neglected.

I am talking about "after" the loved one dies.  There are virtually no resources or information on the grieving process of the caregiver.  I lost my mom over three years ago and I'm still, at this time, coming to terms with it all.  This morning I was chatting with someone whose mother just passed away on the 16th of August and she was telling me how completely lost she feels.  It is very difficult for the non-caregiver to understand what happens to someone who is caring for a parent who is suffering from dementia.  Maybe I can paint a picture for you.

A family caregiver's essence, both mental and physical are absorbed by the patient.  They meld into one being. At least that's what happened with me and my mom.  Caring becomes the caregiver's life.  When the patient is no longer there, something happens.  An emptiness sets in and the caregiver feels like he or she doesn't belong anywhere.  They can't seem to enjoy the hobbies and activities that used to bring joy to their lives before caregiving.  For some reason it is hard to get back to doing those things again. 

After my mom's death, I had an overwhelming urge to help!  Maybe it was because I had no support group, my siblings pretty much left me out in the cold.  Thank God that there was a Leeza's Place nearby, which, by the way, I knew nothing about until I looked for volunteer opportunities.  Volunteering was very therapeutic for me. 

I am on a mission now to help family caregivers.  I am putting together a resouce guide for those who are on the journey now, but my primary goal is to come up with some kind of resource for those who are on the "after" life journey.  I am talking to other former family caregivers to find out what they did or are doing to get on with their lives.  Talking and brainstorming with others will help me put toether valuable resources and aids for others.