Saturday, April 30, 2011
The miracle of building bridges
It's a miracle! Well after about 7 years of shattered sisterhood, my two sisters and I are talking again. I decided to open the door and clear the air with both of them. All the stuff that caused each of us much pain seems so miniscule now. I know mom is watching from above and smiling down upon us. She always encouraged us to be kind to each other but, unfortunately things happen in life and we all handle it in our own way. I thought I lost my sisters during my caregiving journey with mom while she suffered from dementia. We all said and did some terrible things back then, but, thank God we are now able and willing to let bygones be bygones and continue to build bridges.
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Somehow I came across your page and I couldn't have read your post at a better time. My mom is suffering from Alzheimers and LBD and it is tearing me and my sisters apart. There are 5 of us and we are not handling this very well. I don't know if we can ever recover from all the hurt and pain. I guess our situation isn't unique after all. I am considering writing a memoir or starting a blog on the subject, as I have been keeping a journal.
ReplyDeleteRight now I am so torn up by the fact that my sister has placed my mom in a home, with no regard to what the rest of us girls think. She won't even consider letting me care for mom, when I have the means and the desire to do so. My mom still knows who we are, she can still feed herself, walk, go to the bathroom on her own, etc. She knows she is in a home and she is scared and wants out. But my sister doesn't care. I have been so depressed the past week, after seeing my mom and hearing her beg me to take her home with me. And I can't do anything about it. Anyway, thank you for your post. For some reason it made me feel better. I want to get a copy of your book.
Jeri
Hi Jeri,
ReplyDeleteReading your words brought back so many memories for me. I feel for you and your mom. I was fortunate in that although one of my sisters urged me to put mom in a nursing home I refused and brought our mother into my home to take care of her myself. There are reasons why some siblings insist on placing their parents in a nursing home and why some don't. It is a very personal decision. I feel the same way you do, if mom can recognize, remember, and know what is going on, as well as take care of herself, putting her in a home is like shoving dirt under the carpet. Some people don't want to deal with it. This is personal, and you don't have to answer, but why does your one sister have all the power to do something if the rest of you don't agree? I hope and pray that you and your sister can come to some kind of consensus for the benefit of your mother. In the end, it is her best interest that needs to be considered.
She swooped in and got an attorney and got guardianship and conservatorship. We thought she would be more fair, but she has made decisions entirely on her own beliefs. She placed mom 3 hours away from most of the family, she won't allow us to take mom out for a drive when we visit, and she won't let us call when we want. She's causing even more distance between us. The thing that bothers me the most is that she won't listen to me, and it makes me feel like what I want for our mom doesn't matter at all. Mom has been in a home now for about a month. My sister is going through her things and selling her house now.
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